12/09/08

the light was dim, as i favor, and the music fit the mood.  it was cold as hell outside but toasty in my room.  we sat with our backs to the wall, my bed playing "couch".

"don't talk to me,” she said.  "i have to study."
 
"fine with me.  i have reading to catch up on."  an outright lie.  nonetheless, i kept up the illusion.  eyes scanning sentences, paragraph after paragraph, but not retaining a single word.  you must have sensed this, or maybe it was my head on your shoulder, but you shut your book.

"i don’t want you to expect this every time we hang out."


i shut my book too.  "expect what?"

"you want to kiss me," she said, "and if we kiss, you’re going to expect it to happen every time we hang out, and i can’t handle those expectations right now.  if it happens, it happens. but i don’t want to be held to it."


"i’m actually fine with taking things slowly and…"  but i didn’t get to finish.  her lips touched mine, and my fate was sealed.  she had made up her mind, and it was the beginning of the end.  my heart fell off my sleeve and into her hands, and she had no idea.  my fault for not keeping it under lock and key.


our mouths moved like a puzzle, consistently finding the correct pieces; and occasionally not.


the music ended and she said, "i need to sleep."

we shivered as i drove, waiting for the heater to overpower the cold.  as i slowed to a stop, i quickly contemplated how i should say goodbye. but before i could act, you kissed your fingers and caressed my cheek.  i watched you walk away, into the dark, into the cold.  your smokey taste lingering in my mouth.